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Are You Giving Advice You Would Want To Receive?

  • By LaNée Javet
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  • August 6, 2014
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So often we turn to a family member or friend for advice when we’re going through trials and tribulations, but how often do we consider the way that person lives their life? The flip to this is true when giving advice, are we advising based on the characteristics and likes of the person that is seeking our counsel or are we giving advice based on our own hurt feelings and disappointment? Or by the way we live our life? I was speaking to a friend this morning when I realized that I was advising them the way I would want to be guided if I was in the same situation. That’s when it hit me to ask the question, “Are you giving advice you would want to receive?”

If you’re in a relationship or married, how often are you open to receive advice from a single friend? If I’m married or in a serious relationship, trust and believe I’m not going to talk to my single friend about what it takes to be in a successful relationship. I’m going to the person who’s been married the longest to hear the gully truth about what it takes to be 100% committed to my mate. I realize that there are going to be some beautiful days that remind me why I said yes, and days that make me wonder why I said yes. So I want to seek counsel from the friend who has made it through those rough patches.  Turning to my best friend, no matter how long I’ve known them and value their opinion, if they can’t keep a significant other in their life or I don’t value or want my relationship to mirror the relationship that they have, I’m not going to ask them for advice. Simple as that!


You’re a positive person.  You want more out of life.  Maybe you want to start a business, go back to school or just move to a new city.  How often do you go to your negative friend only to be shut down? You cannot take your joy to a negative person that has nothing going on in life. Do you think everyone wants to see you successful? No, they don’t! When you’re seeking advice about a direction you want to see your life move into, you need to find people that are living that life and ask them for the best ways to navigate your desires. Bishop T.D. Jakes was recently with Oprah and talked about the perspective of vision. Bishop Jakes said, “turtles and giraffes occupy the same space, but they don’t have the same world view…the giraffe eats from top of the trees and the turtle moves through the grass… what ultimately happens, is that we eat on the level of our vision.” So if you have giraffe vision for your life, you can’t expect turtles to see the same.

As a person of faith, how often have you turned to a person who lacks faith to give you input or speak over a situation in your life? Faith, the substance of things hoped for evidence of things unseen (Hebrews 11:1), is best supported by others who have strong, crazy faith and who have seen the things they hoped for manifested. If you ask a person that has no faith, to encourage you and believe in a turn around when they’ve never seen one, what kind of outcome do you think you’ll get? If you believe in something with your whole heart and work to make it happen, seek out others that have seen their faith produce fruit. Stop turning to people with weeds in their garden of dreams.

When giving advice, abide by these 3 rules:

1. Be Truthful.

2. Honestly put yourself in that persons position.

3. Give advice that you would want someone to give to you.

Proverbs 27:17 (NIV)  “As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another.”

Who are you letting speak into your life’s situations? Where do you turn for support, motivation, and guidance? Look at the five people, relationships and careers closest to you.  Are they a mirror reflection of the prosperous, happy, and peaceful life you’re looking to live? If they do, you’re blessed and keep on doing what you’re doing. If not, I’d challenge you to get with individuals who can do these things to support you in your life. Not do it for you, but support you in the lifestyle you’re working to build by giving you the right advise and guidance. Get with others that will keep you sharp and speak great things into your life.
In essence, what’s good for the goose should be good for the gander. If you’re giving out advice, it should be the advice that you’re applying to your life and the way you’re living each day. The golden rule still applies, “treat others as you would want them to treat you…judge you…or give advice about you!”

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LaNée Javet

CEO & Founder of CulSire with a sincere love for Black people and the Black community. A writer at heart, using words to authenticate her message and stance on standing up for what's right and beautiful in her community!


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