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Has Your Love Life Left a Residue?

  • By Lisa Daniels
  • /
  • January 27, 2015
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Residue  something that remains after a part is removed, disposed of, or used; remainder; rest; remnant.

Has your love life left a residue?

I was recently having a conversation with a guy friend who I have known for many years and the subject of sex before marriage arose.  I found a place of comfort to share with him the fact that I have been celibate for the past 7 years and am committed to remain so until I am married. Much to my chagrin my friend shared his thoughts on why he believed this commitment was not such a good idea.  He opined that many people at some point while dating become fully aware as to has your love life left a residuewhether or not they are going to marry the person they are dating, therefore engaging in pre-marital sex is completely acceptable, it also prevents (for lack of a better way a phrasing it) performance disappointment after marriage.  Although I found my friend’s thoughts and commentary on the subject typical of a non-believer, they were disturbing none the less.  After giving a gracious ear to his thoughts, I decided rather than offering a rebuttal, I would simply state my belief in God’s promise found in Proverbs 18:22 which assures, that when a man finds a wife he finds a good thing. This confirms for me that my marriage will be of God and ALL that encompasses my marriage will be good – including the sex. Amen?! Amen.


After the conversation ended, a few thoughts came to mind. The first being my friends statement about the “knowing” when you are going to marry a person you are presently in a relationship with makes having sex with that person (while not married) acceptable.  No, it does not! The second thought for me was the number of men I myself have dated and knew without a shadow of a doubt that “he” was the one I was going to marry (SMH). The truth of the matter is that the act of sexual intercourse produces a oneness (1 Corinthians 6:16) between two people that is simply not intended for the unmarried.  Think about it….you lay with a man skin to skin and he enters your body with a part of his body, then makes a deposit into your body, at which point the two of you exchange bodily fluids and you’re done, right? Wrong.


Moreover, if you don’t get pregnant or contract an STD, you walk away from that interaction free and clear, right? Not so fast. Scientific studies indicate that seminal fluid contains a variety of hormones (approximately 30 different ones per individual), which upon being deposited into the female body remain there for approximately 15 hours before being absorbed into the blood stream; this process literally alters a woman’s body chemistry. Simply put, you have absorbed his DNA and on a very real level you become like him. Sexual intercourse is the process of two becoming one (spiritually and physically) in a very real and concrete way. This statement is backed by science as well as scripture…”’and the two shall become one flesh’ so then they are no longer two, but one flesh” Mark 10:8.


Now, imagine this act taking place over a period of years with multiple partners. Who are you? Who have you become? After becoming aware of this information, I realized that if I had never become a committed believer and follower of Christ, I would still be 7 years celibate because living any other way leaves a nasty residue (and a nasty taste in my mouth just thinking about it); as well as a longing for more things of the world and less of things of the Kingdom of God.


A part of a woman’s preparation for marriage is (or at least should be) the purging process and because I trust and believe there is a man God has ordained especially for me, it is the desire of my heart that he not have to come in contact with the residue (and I mean that literally) of any other man I have “known”.  Although our union has yet to take place in the natural, I choose to love, honor and respect him as though our life as one has already begun.  Simultaneously, I choose to love, honor and respect myself as a single woman who is committed to loving God and His Kingdom.

I praise God for the seed that is His word (spiritual) as well as the scientific data (natural) which has produced this effortless change in my thought process  and aided me in attaining a heightened level of respect for my body (the temple in which the Holy Spirit dwells – 1 Corinthians 6:19).

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Lisa Daniels

Lisa D. Daniels is a writer living in Chicago. She authors an inspirational blog where she shares messages based on life experience interwoven with scriptural validity with all who desire to see God’s love in “real life”. To read more visit www.mylifeisnotmyown.net.


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