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I Am NOT the Last Woman You Were With. Stop Making Me Pay for Her Mistakes.

  • By Cocoa Chicks CritiQues
  • /
  • January 25, 2015
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Yep.  I said it.  I am not the last woman you were with.  You can now stop making me pay for how she treated you.

Last week, one of the #CulSireQOD was asked to the male followers:  “Fellas: What’s the one thing you want women to understand about you?”  As sure as my name is Cocoa, I knew some of the responses would be that they want us to stop making them pay for the last dude that did us wrong.  And honestly, I get it.  I know many many women who are still so damaged from the barrage of low down dirty dudes (that they picked, might I add) they’ve had in their lives, that any future man probably doesn’t stand a chance.

But you know what?  We can ask the same thing of you.  Just like I know many many of these women (girlfriends, associates, co-workers or FB friends) that are damaged by the men in their past, I know just as many men that are damaged from the women in their past.  I have friends, associates and men I meet in passing that are so far from dating and/or settling down, it’s not even funny.  When I ask them why, it’s pretty much all the same answer.  They don’t want the headaches.  Their child’s mother is denying him to see his child.  The love of his life slept with his brother.  They chase behind some stripper that ran through half of Miami and expected her to magically change into a housewife.  They pick chicks like the cast from RHOA and expected peace in their home.  They see the grief their homeboys girlfriends or wives are giving them and they want nothing to do with that.  All the trials they faced with past girlfriends, they want nothing to do with that again.

I was ear hustling on a conversation about the dating scene in my city and one of the men in this group kept on comparing the current woman he was “seeing” to a woman he dated in college.  He was saying things like “yeah.. I’m really feeling her but… I haven’t really seriously dated since ole girl from our last year in undergrad.”  He also said that he wanted to marry this ex but because of whatever she did, he’s skeptical of marriage. Really?  The average age of these men talking had to be 40.  So this current woman has to pay for what an old fling did to him in ’92?

What does heartache from 22 years ago have to do with her?  Stop making us pay for what the last woman did to you!

I fortunately have not had the experience of any traumatic relationships that a lot of women I know have gone through.  So when I meet men, they’re not asked to carry any baggage.  I listen when my homeboys talk.  This one request that men have, I recognize the importance of it.  I try to share the importance of it with my homegirls.  There are women out here that are honoring  your request to not let you pay for the last dude or not compare you to him.  I ask that you extend the same courtesy.  Remember, YOU picked her.  LOL.

Please, stop making me pay for what the last woman did to you.

This could be us…. but you playing.



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Cocoa Chicks CritiQues

Our critiQues of our world. Refreshing and straight to the point reviews on everyday life.


2 thoughts on “I Am NOT the Last Woman You Were With. Stop Making Me Pay for Her Mistakes.”

  • Desiree Headley

    June 26, 2014 , 12:36 pm

    LOL @ "this could be us…". It's quite unfortunate that the past can control your present and future in a negative way due to someone else's actions.

    One guy I was talking to spilled his poor little heart about his ex and how trifling she was and how he is glad there is no more drama in his life. Unfortunately, I found out that he loves drama. He said I was boring, acted like I didn't care for him and was too carefree. Meaning, he pairs drama with love. So because I wasn't going through his phone or being jealous meant I didn't care. Boy bye!

  • Anjela TwoPlatez Childs

    June 26, 2014 , 7:19 pm

    lol..I chuckled at 'this could be us" too

    So many people pair drama with love… so sad.

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