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Leave the Past Right Where it Belongs

  • By Pauline Haynes
  • /
  • January 30, 2015
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If you are more than a day old you have a past. Perhaps a day is too short a time to think of in the past, or the developmental process isn’t at a point to distinguish between past and future. Maybe there is scientific evidence to prove me wrong, but I assure you, I am not a scientist. So please, read this from a laywoman’s perspective.

Each and every one of us has a past. And being human, the focus is mostly on the seedy and unpleasant occurrences that make up that past. Things like the absent or cruel parent, the selfish sibling, the contentious divorce, the lover who deceived you, and the money you lost. Pick any one of those or add your own to this list.

The past can be the dark shadow that never fades.

So what.

That’s a good question. It is even a much better attitude. What did you learn from the past? What did those dark nights of the soul do to bring you to where you are now? You can #itch, complain, get stuck in inertia, use it as bubble gum for the brain or move forward.

Sounds harsh? The choice is yours.

Telling someone who has experienced any of the above to get over it can sound harsh. Sometimes it is exactly what they need to hear. But it is a choice. The choice is to accept the past. Not forget. Accept it, be angry, be resentful, be sad, learn from it and move on. You are the only one who can make the decision to change.

Saying this is not without empathy. Believe me I care deeply that anyone gets a new focus on the life that’s slapped him or her around. The hurt and the pain are deep, and move on we must. Our life depends on it.

Physical and emotional scars can be a hindrance to growth. When the scars are so ingrained it becomes more of a challenge to cast them off. Therapy can be very useful in understanding your feelings around the hurts and getting to a place of wholeness. This article does not take the place of therapy. It can be used as a forward step in regaining your self-hood.

I highly recommend Maxwell Maltz’s book Psycho-Cybernetics. He has a five-point method for reprogramming the image you have of yourself. These are helpful in changing the thoughts you have of your self and/or the situations. They are not easy but they are simple. Here goes:

  1. Cancel old negative data…the memories of old negative beliefs.
  2. Replace them with new positive beliefs.
  3. Affirm your new image/thoughts/ideas about who you are.
  4. Focus on specific images of a whole, successful you.
  5. Train yourself to accept your new beliefs for lasting change.

If you’ve held the faulty beliefs for a number of years doing this process ONCE will not work. You have to be committed to the outcome. Give yourself at least 30 days of intentional work. Your life is worthy of a clean slate. A brand new canvas. Allow the past glitches, imperfections and hurts to be the speckles in the paint you use to create this new dimension of you.

You are worth it. You are magnificent!

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Pauline Haynes

Pauline Hines spent over 25 years in championing the causes of women and individuals who want to be their best. As a Certified Life Coach she helps them create meaning, find purpose and success in their lives.


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